Think back to when you were sixteen. If you are reading this, and currently are sixteen, then just think. If you are not sixteen yet, then please do not read this post, you are too young, and I tend to swear. ANYWAY, I was sixteen in 2004. I was also about sixteen pounds less in 2004, but that is beside the point. If you’re having trouble picturing yourself at sixteen, let me paint a portrait of myself at said age. I do believe my jeans were of a light blue-white shade. The jeans probably did not have pockets on the ass. They also probably came with their own belt. The belt probably had rhinestones. See where I’m going with this? Do I need to mention my double-popped Abercrombie collar, or the huge “C” rhinestone (again with the damn rhinestones!) necklace, or the fact that on the weekends I was only concerned with pretending to go to the movies so I could hang out with degenerates and split a liter of raspberry Smirnoff with three other girls? I had Ashlee Simpson lyrics in my AIM profile, and my ringtone was Outkast’s The Way You Move. Needless to say, sixteen is a cringe-worthy age. I think (I hope) we can all agree on that.
And when I say “we all”, know that I am leaving one New Zealand native out of that category. Lorde, Royals singer, now seventeen years young, released her United States debut album, Pure Heroine, at age sixteen. While I was getting cut from the JV basketball team, Lorde was cutting Grammy-nominated tracks. Her flawless cool-girl attitude is impressing celebrities and musicians alike. If the only song you have heard from the album is Royals, then please stop reading this and immediately go listen to the rest of the album. I was going to name my other favorite songs, but I fear I may just list them all. They switch up everyday, but I played Ribs three times in a row on the way to work. I would have played it more, but I have a very short commute. Time Magazine recognized her as one of the “16 Most Influential Teens of 2013.” Unlike other young artists, who are easier to manipulate than a college freshman after four double-shots of UV blue, Lorde makes her own rules. I had a complete “Adele moment” when I first listened to Lorde’s music. If you are wondering what an “Adele moment” is, it is when you first hear Adele, and think that she is a middle-aged black woman, only to find out she is a nineteen-year-old British red-head. I would have guessed that Lorde was approximately 29.5 years of age. BOY, WAS I WRONG! Lorde proves age ain’t nothin’ but a number, and pure talent does not wait until you are out of your teenage years to emerge. It just hits, and it hit her hard.
If I have not yet convinced you enough of Lorde’s effortless level of cool, then watch this performance on Letterman. Her dance moves, or twitches, alone prove the amount of fucks she gives: zero. Basically, I want to be her when I grow up, and if she’ll never be a royal, then I certainly do not want to be one either. Also, where can I buy that lipstick?
P.S- If you want to listen to Pure Heroine, but don’t want to make the itunes plunge, GILTCITY.COM is offering a free 60 day trial of Spotify here. So now you have no excuses. GO LISTEN!! Message me if you want an invite to the site.