13 Acts Better Suited for the Super Bowl Halftime Show Than Bruno Mars

According to nynjsuperbowl.com (I had to google that before you get all impressed with my football knowledge), Super Bowl XLVIII (again, googled), will be the first outdoor, cold weather Super Bowl, EVER. The website also offers the charming phrase “A Super Bowl so big it takes two states to host it”. How many times have I used “Super Bowl” in this first paragraph? Anyone counting? Ok. What I am getting at here is that there is a lot of hype around this coming year’s game. A hype so large, so engrossing, that there can only be one, single, solitary choice for the halftime performance. Drum-roll please: Bruno Mars.

Are you fucking kidding me?

My first reaction actually was not “are you fucking kidding me?” because I had yawned before I even heard the second syllable in the name “Bruno”. Ugh, I have used his name twice and am bored already. While I hate stereotypes, let me feed into one real quick: I only REALLY like the Super Bowl because of the buffalo chicken dip and because of the half time show (unless the Pats are playing, then I half-care). I guess the commercials are appealing, too, but I can just watch them on youtube the next day. So the most monumental television day of the year will be cut in half by the talents of a man no taller than the two little girls I am currently baby sitting for? Janet Jackson would have to slip both nipples for me to even bat an eye at this year’s feat. Sure, Mr. Mars has some cool songs. I liked “Grenade” for about 3 minutes and that one where he sings about morphine, but he is no way half time worthy. I know the queen is a tough act to follow, but I am not sure he is even dignified enough to scalp tickets to get into the game. Since I no longer get my hopes up wishing this would ever happen again, I have comprised a list of acts I would rather see gracing the stage at Metlife Stadium than Bruno Mars. There’s still some time before Feb 2nd rolls around, maybe we can salvage this. FOX, feel free to borrow any of these suggestions.

  1. The cast of Yo Gabba Gabba!
  2. Janice from Friends auditioning for an Aflac commercial
  3. My grandfather after 4 glasses of merlot
  4. Bruce Jenner sans adams apple
  5. A duet between Chelsea Clinton and Tagg Romney
  6. Honey Boo Boo
  7. One of the six Jolie-Pitt children
  8. Kanye West reading verses from the Book of Genesis, replacing “God” with “I”
  9. Walter White Jr. (aka Flynn)
  10. An orchestra comprised of Taylor Swift’s ex-boyfriends
  11.  A baby penguin (I love penguins)
  12. Kevin Gnapoor
  13. A power-point presentation of my Facebook newsfeed’s most witty statuses on politics, weather, and last night’s Walking Dead.

Please feel free to add to my list! Or tell me to go to hell if you’re a weirdo Bruno Mars enthusiast.

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9 thoughts on “13 Acts Better Suited for the Super Bowl Halftime Show Than Bruno Mars

  1. I cant even. Did you watch this show? If you did and still do not think he was “half-time worthy” (because you obviously know what’s best for football entertainment, Mrs. Jerry Jones), something is LEGIT wrong with you (see what I did there)?

    Funny post though 🙂

    • I see what you did there! And yes, I did watch the show… And enjoyed it! Why does everyone keep calling me Mrs Jerry Jones? It it’s a football reference, it’s way over my head!!

  2. Mrs.Jerry Jones,

    Curious as to what your anti-Bruno thoughts are post half-time show, assuming that you reluctantly watched simply out of (guilt-soaked) curiosity. If you still don’t think he was “worthy”, I’ll have to question your taste in entertainment, although maybe your knowledge for that subject is as vast as your knowledge for football seems to be. Never the less, do your self a favor and go see Bruno live, you will literally die.

    • Who is jerry jones? Ha! This post was just for humor. Bruno did a great job, and I love any concer, so I’m sure I would enjoy him too. Feel free to question my taste in entertainment, though, that is the beauty of the internet. 🙂

  3. I obviously don’t know how commenting on blogs work lol regardless, my harassment is not meant to be vicious, I actually find you to be quite humorous, I was just surprised when I read this because he truly is an amazing performer.

  4. and Jerry Jones owns the cowboys, he is a control freak who lets his ego get in the way of his good judgment, see the cowboys stats and record for the past couple of seasons.

    🙂

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