It could be fair to say I have an addictive personality. Instead of substances, the addiction lies more in pop-culture related items or “fads”. The only example I can grant you from my earlier life would be the first time I smoked weed. I actually hated it, but instead listened to nothing but Sublime for about 2 and a half weeks post-blaze, claiming they were my favorite band. I might even have a t-shirt. I was so chill. The end of my 24th years of living and the beginning of my 25th year were no strangers to such crazy addictions, or over-obsessions let’s call them. One could reason that I am easily inspired, but I am sure most therapists would just say I am clinically bored with a slight identity crisis. Whatever you want to call it, I figured I would share the list of things or fads my mind was preoccupied with in this fabulous 2013th year. If you happen to share a fleeting obsession with me, please let me know, I would prefer to not feel alone in all of this.
1. BECOMING A JEW
Let me preface this first one by saying that Jesus has always been, and will always be my homeboy. I did not own that shirt from Urban Outfitters, but his mother is currently adorning my neck in 14ct gold, and I do not think I could ever skip his birthday. That being said, for the first few weeks (months, really) of 2013, I most strongly identified as a Jew. I am fairly certain said desire stems from the fact I was never invited to any Bar or Bat Mitzvahs as a child, and as an adult, I still would really like to Mazel my way on over to one. (I am currently accepting invitations). No offence, Lamb of God, but christenings and confirmations are boring. Lil’ Jon did not perform when a priest poured holy water over my baby cousin’s head, and that is one of my main problems with Catholicism. Trivial parties-of-the-century aside, I truthfully think Judaism is soaked with a fascinating history and meaningful traditions that any Jesus-lover can envy and appreciate. I am still willing to go halfsies here, so any Jewish man looking to get a little New Testament up in this bitch, call me. Shalom.
2. BREAKING BAD
Now this I am 100% certain at least 78% of eyes reading my dumb words share this one with me. I started the series on August 1, 2013 and finished it on August 3,2013. I am kidding, but I identify my biggest accomplishment of 2013 as finishing the series in time to watch the finale live with the rest of the world. I think it took me about 4 weeks from start to finish. That was on top of a full time job and a part time job, and not counting the time I spent looking at Aaron Paul’s instagram and twitter accounts. The show is just so fucking good and gross and there really is no other way to describe the genius that is Heisenberg, so I will not even try. For a solid two months following the series’ conclusion, I documented every stranger on the street as a meth addict or a drug dealer. Vince Gilligan, I owe you my life, and you owe me my August. Let’s call it even. Please note the below swag I purchased and meth-cakes I made, BITCH!
Not sure why, but I spent a few weeks thinking Canada was effing amazing. I have never been, but have this overwhelming urge to go. I thrice considered a solo weekend trip to Montréal. Perhaps it was Kelly Oxford and her book that I read in 3 days, my fairly new appreciation for winter hats, or my longing to describe my nationality as French Canadian. Whatever it was, I was all eyyyyyy Candada!!
4. The Royal Baby
I literally did not sleep until they released his name. My money was on Philip, but George is adorable, too.
5. John Stamos
Yesterday, today, tomorrow, forever. I will always find a way to work Uncle Jesse into a blog post. At let us not forget this tweet (which also reflects my never-ending obsession with MK and A Olsen. Just ignore the spelling error, I was drunk.):
6. Chobani Flips
This is the stuff that dreams are made of. May I suggest you drive, walk, hail a taxi, skip, or hitch-hike to your nearest grocer and purchase the key lime crumble or almond coco loco flavor Chobani Flip? There were days when honestly that Greek-god-yogurt was the only thing I looked forward to. Depressing? No. Maybe. Sometimes I even eat it with a fork when I cannot find a spoon. Now that is love.
7. Researching the TLC Has-beens
There was a really scary afternoon where I could no longer remember all of Jon and Kate Plus 8’s offspring. I used to know their first and middle names, their favorite colors, and could tell all of them apart by voice alone (see: 2008 obsessions), so I did what any normal person would do, and googled the shit out of them. I now can remember the 8 little munchkins and their charming attributes. I will not go into detail, but I did the same with the Duggar family, Little Couple, and cast of Little People big World. I am SO educated.
I refuse to say anything more. I can only cry so many tears.
2013 was a semi-good year, and I look forward to the mediocrity that 2014 brings! Have a great New Year, everyone!
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